Friday, 9 November 2018

My personal experience of this condition

Since I discovered that something wasn't right, I became self-conscious of my legs always keeping them covered which wasn't hard to do since I worked all the time. But I suppose it was the anxiety the fear that someone would notice the misshaped legs and I would have to try and explain something that I knew nothing about but I had two battles ongoing the anxiety over a condition that I didn't know I had, but the physical symptoms that I was living with the pain and discomfort that 12 hour shifts working in kitchen brought ending the day with an ankle that looked like a rugby ball struggling to take the socks off my feet, the discomfort I felt in my body somedays was unbearable I would use different substances to cope with the discomfort I have used cannabis for almost 20years to help keep my mind somewhere else just to lose myself from reality and the discomfort I was in. I would use different recreational substances so I was able to have the social life I don't think I would have been able to have in the discomfort I was in. The older I got the worse the discomfort through the day got  it was getting to the point that after a long day in work the drive home was even worse trying to change gear with a leg that I still to this day I can't describe the sensation I got. the feeling around the lower back was like a sensation of a clamp crushing from the top and bottom and the longer I was on my feet the worse it got to the point where I had the sensation of my back being in an electric shock and cramping up and it was at that point I had to take the decision to leave the industry I had spent my life in. That was only the start of my journey I was diagnosed with a chronic condition lost in a world that I hid away from realising that I was institutionalised to an industry that I embraced and became my identity. I was lost kinda still am trying to work out what my future has in store for me looking to understand the condition I was born with and work out what path I am to walk where my path continues all while trying to work out what's happening to my body.

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